Teee heeee! This is funny! Sky News ran a story about a government official from Kenya offering former President Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea’s hand in marriage. If only the South African official had kept more abreast of the news, he could have gotten off much cheaper. Two interns and a box of cigars would have done it I think!

The Story

I find it interesting the many forms spam has taken over the years. I recall the days back when I was naive enough to be on AOL and would find myself in a chat room bombarded with instant messages to check out the latest miracle cure for impotence. Then there was the pre pop-up blocker era in which I would click a link only to find my computer unmercifully opening window after window of sites pertaining to penile enlargement. My current version of Outlook thankfully has a junk email filter which sifts most of the adverts encouraging me to buy all my prescription needs online.

The latest attack involves none other than this nifty little blog I’m diligently maintaining. Every morning I awake to a dozen or so post from online casinos leaving some generic message with a link back to their site. As I’m deleting these entries, I can’t help but wonder if all those spammers think I wish to be a well endowed, gambling, nymphomaniac who’s addicted to drugs!

When I was around 11 years old, I was living in a very rural part of Arizona. Most of my days were spent exploring all the nooks and crannies of my desert surroundings. I remember begging my parents for a BB-Gun, eventually they caved to my plea.

Everyone has regrets in life, right? To this very day, I sincerely regret the use I put that BB-Gun to. In a very short time, I became deadly accurate with that rifle. I could shoot a thorn off a cactus at 50 feet. My days of exploring the scenic Arizona desert quickly turned into days of hunting expeditions.

One might think the desert a desolate and baron place. On the contrary, it teams with all sorts of beautiful and unusual wildlife. I found snakes of all types, especially rattlesnakes. I found lizards, jack-rabbits, birds, horned toads, road-runners, prairie dogs, tarantulas, turtles, bobcats, wild pigs (Javelina), coyotes, skunks & porcupines. If at all possible, I would stalk and kill these poor creatures. I showed very little respect for life. I killed them for no good reason, just the thrill of the hunt. I suppose it’s a good thing that I realize what I did was wrong. Hence, I’ve since shown great respect for the nature around me.

Now I find myself in a quandary. We have been attempting to deal with a rouge squirrel for over a year now. This particular varmint has a fetish for Wendy’s new $35,000.00 Buick Rendezvous. He crawls underneath and up into the engine compartment then proceeds to chew all the wiring and caps. He chewed some of the wiring completely apart and the vehicle actually sputtered and chugged down the road on one particular occasion. We took it in to the service department, and luckily, the dealer did the repairs at no charge even though that sort of damage was not covered under our warranty.

Wendy then ordered some Animal Repellant and periodically sprayed her entire engine compartment with it. We thought the problem was solved but it appears he’s gained immunity because the stuff doesn’t seem to phase him anymore. We then had to replace our entire coolant reservoir after finding it chewed to bits and leaking. Our neighbors brought over a trap and we attempted in vein to catch him in that manner.

So now I am at my wits end. I figure on one hand I have a $35k vehicle that needs to drive safely because my wife and 3 children ride in it. On the other hand, I have a relatively cute yet bothersome squirrel that I really don’t want to kill. Common sense tells me the squirrel has to go so I went to Walmart and purchased the Pellet-Gun above. Back to my murdering ways!

Strange Breed

For all you folks wondering what will happen to me after I die… here ya go! At least it will be Susan’s turn to buy!

I’ve been surfing the I-Net since its infancy. In that time, I’ve collected upwards of 7,000 music MP3’s and around 300 or so music videos. To give you an idea, my music folder now takes up over 41 Gigabytes of disk space on my computer. My tastes are eclectic and I tend to like a little bit of everything. Pop, Rock, Classical, Country, Jazz, Alternative, Bluegrass, Techno, R&B, Rap… yes even Eminem! (That should get someone’s feathers ruffled). Hey don’t knock it… some of his stuff is good. Besides, even Donald Trump likes him!

Anyhoo… I’d have to say that my absolute favorite would be “Easy Listening”. Is that even a Genre? We’ll just call it my own personal Genre because I’m sure that what I classify as “Easy Listening”, others would term as Pop or Soft Rock. If it’s easy on my ears, that’s the folder it gets copied to. Artists like James Taylor, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Elton John and Arlo Guthrie usually comprise this list but have you ever heard of The Corrs? Probably not, but I’m almost certain you have at one time or another, tapped your toes to several of their tunes without even realizing it was them.

The Corrs are an Irish Band and what makes them especially unique is the fact that all four members are siblings. They are all extremely talented on a variety of instruments and they harmonize like “Sweet Honey”.

The lead vocalist, Andrea Corr, was voted Most Beautiful Woman in the World by several publications! They of course, write some of their own stuff as well as do remakes of popular songs from the past. A few of my favorites are…

* What Can I Do
* Breathless
* Summer Sunshine
* So Young
* Dreams
* Irresistible
* Radio
* Runaway
* All The Love in The World

So if you’re into music that is smooth, clear, crisp and highly digestible. Do yourself a favor and check them out.

Rebecca & Jacob

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a CVS drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the Manager?”
The Manager answers, “Yes.”
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Manager: “Of course we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Manager: “All kinds.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?”
Manager: “Definitely.”
Jacob: “How about Viagra?”
Manager: “Of course.”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”
Manager: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Manager: “Absolutely.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”
Manager: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

OMG… Sweet Mother Of Mary Poppins! The heat out there was just unbearable today. We’re talking about the actual temperature being close to 100 with a humidity index of 110. Walking out the door from work this afternoon felt like opening the oven and throwing your head into it! I managed to barely make it to my vehicle without collapsing from heat exhaustion only to open the car door and discover it was a bazillion degrees inside. I start the engine, crank the air-conditioner, and grab the leather-clad steering wheel and proceed to have the stitching branded into my palms!

Ten minutes later, I’m driving down the road and I can almost feel a little bit of cool air coming out of the vents. I suppose it made little difference at that point because my whole backside was sopping, sweaty, wet! Strange the amount of liquid one’s body can produce when you sit it down on a leather seat the approximate temperature of a George Foreman Grill.

I thought I was escaping this extreme heat thing when I left Arizona… wtf?

Wow… This morning, I awoke and rolled over to look at the clock. It was 4:37. As I lie there, 37 flashes lit the sky followed by 37 rumbles of thunder. I counted 37 raindrops bouncing off my windowsill. And then it occured to me that I was being wished a Happy Birthday!!!

I normally attempt not to stray into the forum of Religion or Politics while conversing. Many years of experience has taught me that having such discussions with people who are not like-minded is parallel to trying to give a rabid wildcat a bath! However, a post at Wendy’s blog has gotten my dander up, so I shall venture into the unknown.
(more…)

During the course of my illustrious career in retail, I’ve had customers inquire about almost anything you can imagine. Usually this is no big deal but now and then, someone will ask me for something bizarre, Like : “Excuse me Sir, do you have 11″x14″ furnace filters?” Silently… I’m wondering why this “Rocket Scientist” is in a Drugstore looking for furnace filters, but I hold my tongue. I politely inform them that we don’t stock these sorts of items and probably their best bet would be to try a Hardware Store. Invariably, after returning to my work, I’ll hear the same customer two aisles over asking a different Employee if we carry 11″x14″ furnace filters.

Correct me if I’m wrong, by their actions, the customer has implied that I don’t have a clue and they need to ask someone else. It’s all good though because more often than not the other employee they asked will tell the customer…”I’ll check with a Manager” and end up paging me. It’s then that I get the deep satisfaction of going up and informing them that my answer hasn’t changed from the last time they asked!

I just love Retail!